We question why we fail time and time again to achieve
the things we had so tirelessly set out to accomplish; but our worth is not
defined by our failures. Let me repeat that again. Our worth is NOT defined by
We’ve become so fearful of disappointments, that our progressions,
dreams and prosperities have been silenced by all-consuming self doubt and
apprehension of the unknown. But why have we allowed ourselves to become so accepting
of our growth hindering stagnancies and lack of self improvement, when our
lives have developed into an unconsciously predictable, monotonous routine, day
in, day out? Why are we constantly running into immobilizing roadblocks and why
can we never seem to find our way out of the impenetrable darkness that has
become ourselves… the darkness that is our belief that we will never be
anything greater, stronger and wiser than what we are in this very moment?
The strongest thing about you was the thing he had forgotten to appreciate… your audacity.
There was a time that you had loved him so passionately with each and every inch of your delicate, naïve heart… but now there’s nothing more than just a lingering emptiness inside your chest where his heart used to rest silently against yours, entangled within your existence. And sometimes, you catch yourself thinking about the days when everything was just a little bit simpler… when every embrace felt like home and every kiss felt like eternity.
Let go of whatever and whoever hurt you. Choose to heal, choose to recover… choose happiness. You are NOT defined by the failures of your past, the people that hurt you or the mistakes that you’ve made. You are not defined by the missed opportunities that you gave up because you were anxiously waiting for something better to arrive, that never did. You are not defined by your imperfections, insecurities and inadequacies; they are what make you, you… and darling, nothing compares to you.
I want you to desire me, with every aching bone you have in your body and every tickle of my touch that sends tingles up your spine. Though I know that as long as you’re in a genocidal war with the demons inside your head, you’ll never crave me the way I desperately cling to you. And it terrifies me, yet my mind always wanders back to the thought that maybe once the demons have stopped consuming your mind… so will I.
2018 taught me that it’s okay to start over. It’s okay to have to re-evaluate my goals, re-prioritize my passions and admit defeat, at least temporarily.
This year taught me to confidently live in the present, because even though where I am right now isn’t exactly where I had planned I’d be, I can and should make the most of what I’ve got, because sometimes, something good starts out as something small… a choice to make a change, an understanding that I don’t want to be defined by my failures, or the epiphany that I don’t want to live a life that’s… predictable.