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audaciouscuriosity

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It is within our own selfishness that we regret the passing of our ailing elders who have been welcomed into the restful eternity of imperishable silence… as we do not choose the time that our souls retreat from our motionless bodies, our time is chosen for us.


Be not fearful when the youthful, mesmerizing sight of undying light covers your tulip skies within a welcoming blanket of night, as one day I too will be face to face with the apprehensive unease of un-awakening slumber. Be not afraid of embracing the bitter-sweet peace within the quiet serenity of the weathered ground beneath my feet, as one day soon our spirits will dance beside each other intertwined, which will at long last make us whole, and our souls, reunited.

Do you ever pause and anxiously scramble for that perfectly sculpted response to appear in your mind when people ask the unnerving question, “Where do you plan to be in five years?”

I usually avoid this question like the plague and take it as lightly as my heart will allow. But as I sit here now, meticulously pondering this question, I’ve come to realize it has more than likely been manifested by my undying fear of the unknown, rejection, and the apprehension that the future I had hoped for would result in crumbling dreams and aspirations.

Even the slightest thoughts about the future had previously made me sick to my stomach, and even now I still catch my wandering thoughts becoming obsessive at times. How could someone possibly think about where they hypothetically could be in five years when they can’t even figure out where they theoretically should be?

I think that a lot of people scramble for the answers that they don’t have rather than taking the time to truly discover themselves and their greatest potentials. At some point, you must just jump and become so comfortable within yourself that you can ask and answer the deepest questions about your soul without becoming hesitant. So instead of focusing on where I want to be, I’ll focus on WHO I want to be.

I want to be more selfless. I want to put other people before myself, passionately and wholeheartedly, not because I’m pretending to be a better person, but because I’m constantly trying to better myself than the day before. I want to be more assertive and say what’s on my mind when it’s on my mind without holding back, because people deserve translucent honesty.

I want to smile more and worry less. I want to laugh more, until my gut hurts and tears fall from my cheeks. I want to take more responsibility and accept the things that I do wrong by taking fault in my actions. I want to try new things, learn new things, and challenge myself instead of settling for the belief that I’ll never be good at any of the things I’m not good at. I want to let go of old burdens and mistakes, because everyone has and makes them—it’s all part of being human.

At some point you must quit fearing the maybe’s or what if’s and quit living your life regarding other people’s expectations and visions for you. Quit cheating yourself. Quit putting a limit on your dreams and your capabilities to flourish. Quit shaming creativity, individuality, diversity, and anomalies. Quit biting your tongue and speak up. Quit letting someone pass you by and then lying awake at night, unable to get the thought of them out of your mind. Quit keeping your feelings silenced. Quit waiting for life to give you a sign when this—right here, right now—is a sign!

Quit waiting for a better opportunity to present itself and go out and create one. Quit hating choices, unforeseen setbacks, and changes in life when they are the opportunity of growth and progression in ways that we could have possibly never imagined. Quit keeping toxic people in your life and then forgiving them every time they do you wrong. Quit letting the little things in life get you down.

Quit shaming people for their abilities or disabilities and defining them only by what they’re incapable of instead of all the things they ARE capable of. Quit taking everything so personally when somebody says something you don’t agree with and open yourself up to other fresh perspectives. Quit being a people pleaser, because you need time to love yourself too. Quit talking yourself down, and just as importantly, quit talking other people down, because you’re not above anyone. We’re all equal, and we may not be cut from the same cloth, but in the end we all just want people to relate to us, to understand us, to love us.

It’s time that we lift ourselves up and remind ourselves that it’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to be lost, it’s okay to not know who you are, it’s okay to not have all the answers right now, it’s okay to feel like you have nowhere to run, no one to turn to. It’s okay. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. Raise yourself up. You’re beautiful, you’re daring, and you’re trying, and that’s all that matters. Because one day, you’ll make it.

The answers won’t come easily—they never do. But one day, you’ll have all the answers figured out. One day, you’ll look back on today and laugh to yourself, because in that moment, you’ll be astonished that there was ever a time that you were so consumed with doubt and self-destruction that you believed you’d never persevere.

I promise you you’ll see the end of this constant, antagonizing battle within yourself to find meaning. Strive to be fearless. Strive to do better; strive to be the best version of yourself, and when you get there, TRY HARDER. Strive to find happiness and pride within other people’s successes and empathize with their failures, because that’s how you know you’re content in the life that you live.

When you no longer try to be better than the people that you once tried so desperately to, you’ll find peace, and somewhere along uncertainty and despair, you’ll find yourself. You’ll find yourself and no longer will you feel the antagonizing apprehension from your unknown future, because instead, you’ll embrace it, own it, and create it.

This—right here, right now—is the first step you’ll take to recreate yourself. So what are you waiting for?

It’s crazy how we allow ourselves to so easily forget how lucky we are, even in the simplest of forms. We lose ourselves among that everyday chaos and impatient rush between the briefest of moments to the next, and we so effortlessly take everything we have and are for granted. We forget about all of our simple pleasures in life and all those little things that bring us the purist amounts of joy because we’re so dismissively oblivious to the world around us.

We’ve become so obsessed with making ourselves live up to this unrealistic version of ourselves that’s been so meticulously sculpted by society that all we catch sight of is the limited and dissolute illusion of reality that we trick ourselves into believing is all there is when it’s merely a guise—a smoke screen, a self-destructive comfort.

We’re so focused on other people—looking good for other people, pleasing other people, making other people like us—that the orthodox has now become simply forgetting to love ourselves.

We forget to wake up every morning and smile at ourselves in the mirror with triumph and pride when we’ve made it through another tireless day of self destructive tendencies and trying to talk ourselves out of constantly hiding in the corner of our lives when WE are supposed to be the star of our existence.

We forget to tell ourselves that we’re beautiful and capable of great things and that everything’s going to be okay, because no matter who you are, where you’re from, or where you’re going, sometimes all you need to hear is that one day it WILL look up. The clouds WILL clear, the darkness WILL end, and you WILL love each and every ounce of yourself.

We forget to praise ourselves when we have successes, no matter how small or large, because all we’ve ever known is continuously beating ourselves up because of our failures—what we didn’t do, what we failed to do, the job we didn’t get, the one who got away, the friend who’s mad at us, the mistakes we’ve made that can never be undone, that stupid thing we said, the people we’ve disappointed, the test we failed to perform well on, the failures that have become all we constantly think about, our apathy, our hate, our disinterest, our lack of passion, our envy of things that are not ours.

We’ve taught ourselves time and time again that the negatives about our lives outweigh everything else; they outweigh our imperfect perfections that make us who we are, when in reality, nothing could ever be more overpoweringly breathtaking than our individual quirks. The only thing that society has ever taught us to do is to conform, and if we’re unable to do that, then we’re insignificant failures despite all our success in life.

We get so blinded by overwhelming waves of emotion from feeling inadequate when they shouldn’t cause us more than a trickle in our tides; yet somehow, they find their way beneath our golden armored skin and cause a tsunami of guilt, regret, anger, hatred, resentment, and any other impulsive defeatist emotion to force itself against us. It forces OURSELVES against us and into a search for a ‘better’ identity to call our own.

It’s time to stop beating ourselves up over the things that we can’t change and the people that we are. It’s time that we reverse this cycle of self-destruction and pity for ourselves and instead take pride in who we are and all of our underappreciated, overlooked accomplishments.

It’s time that we acknowledge the dozen doors that closed to open two dozen others with more opportunities to grow. It’s time that we look within the silence of ourselves for the answers, rather than within the careless words that spill out of our mouths. It’s time that we seize to compare ourselves with other people, because when we look from a perspective of envy, we’re only as good as the society that has belittled us into believing that we’re dispensable and insignificant.

It’s time that we rekindle the flame inside our souls and unapologetically take back our lives from all the people who thought we’d never be anything more and allow ourselves to be the people we’ll idolize. It’s time that we see truth in our failures and all of the things we once took for granted. It’s time that we appreciate all of our many setbacks, because it is impossible to achieve greatness without defeat. It’s time that we remember who we are.

You don’t need to live up to any societal standard, because the societal standard is flawed.

 

We try to define love so we can understand it… We paint it in black and white so we can describe it, make sense of it, or… see it for what it truly is.

Truth is… Love is knowing your partner’s weakness, but never using it against them. Love is doing absolutely nothing with them, but still being indescribably content. Love is when your favourite parts of them are all their little mannerisms, quirks and little things they do that make you head over heels for them.

Love is trying to be mad at them, but uncontrollably laughing with them instead because deep down you know everything is better with them right beside you, holding your hand; and honestly, the thing you were fighting about in the first place wasn’t even that big of a deal anyways. 

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